Men’s Role At Home - Leading Like Jesus

[0:00] Which is what we're going to try to tackle today, and this was a extremely good lesson! So buckle up, tighten that chin strap because it's going to get bumpy and there's going! to be a lot of conviction here if you're anything like me. For you single men here, young men, there's a lot of good material in here so don't shut down because this is marriage. There's some good stuff to look forward to, to start growing yourself in, but for anyone else who's not married in here, there's a lot of good relational stuff in here that we can all learn from. So perk up because there's a lot of good stuff. Okay, I tried to break this out into nine sections to try to make it easy to follow, and I've got some themes to go with it. So the first section we're going to dive into is on the topic of redemption. Where did this start? To try to tie this in from where Jeremy left off with us, and it's really just the theme of what's the Bible telling us throughout. It's the topic of the story of creation. We have creation where perfection is set, we then have the fall, and then we have redemption. In creation, everything was perfect. Mankind walked unbroken in fellowship with

[1:23] God, and then came the fall. That's when sin entered and fractured every relationship. Between God, between man, between man, between woman, and even within our own hearts, right? The good news, the best news, that's God's plan. God's plan didn't end with our failure. So that's where we're going to jump in. Genesis 3.15, I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring. He shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel. From that moment forward, God's redemptive plan was set in motion. One that would culminate with Jesus as our Redeemer.

[2:06] And through Jesus, we see the three main things that we just talked about. We have, well, I didn't just talk about it, but we have death, we have guilt, and we have temptation, and Jesus came, and he solved all those for us. Death, Jesus' resurrection guarantees that death will one day be fully defeated. Guilt, Jesus provides full forgiveness for those who are in him. And temptation, the Holy Spirit empowers us to resist sin and grow us in holiness. So how does that apply as we start thinking about marriage? Well, a husband who once lived selfishly and distant from God learns that in Christ, he's not defined by his past failures anymore. We do have forgiveness. We do have a Savior now. And instead of carrying guilt into his marriage, he starts living out redemption. And we can extend that forgiveness. We can extend that patience. And we can learn to lead with humility. And we'll hit on those topics a lot in this lesson. Section two, then, is where we're going to go next. Redemption and how salvation looks in a marriage. Marriage is one of the greatest stages that we have in this life to live out redemption. And that's important for us to dive into with all of our heart.

[3:31] Genesis 2.15 says, The Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to work it and to keep it. Even before sin entered the world, man was given a purpose. We were told to cultivate, to work, which was to cultivate and nurture, and to keep. And you'll hear that theme a lot in this lesson. We've heard it in the past, too. So to work, cultivate and nurture, and to keep is to guard and protect. And that's who we are seeking to be as men.

[4:06] After the fall, sin distorted both of these callings. Men became either lazy or domineering. That's where our sin took over and destroyed what God made good. And for the woman, she became fearful and controlling. But through redemption, Christ restores our rightful role to work and to keep, and that begins in our household. Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children, Ephesians 5.1 tells us. How do we best learn? It's no different than when we were younger, when we were kids, when we were babies. We learn through imitation. And Paul is trying to show us and outlie it for us how to imitate what God wants us to be. So jumping through, what does the hierarchy look? What does Paul tell us what the hierarchy in the home should look like? Well, Ephesians 5.22-24 says, So that's the wife. Ephesians 6. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

[5:20] Children. Ephesians 6.5-9. Bondservants, obey your earthly masters, and masters do the same to them, knowing that he who is both their masters and yours is in heaven. Now, we're not up the hook, because it lists the three things there. We don't really look at bondservants too much, but if you're like me, Ephesians 5.25-28, we look, and the biggest section here is for us men. So let's pay attention. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Our calling as husbands isn't to dominate, it's to imitate Christ's model to us. So what does that look like? Well, Christ has sacrificial love toward his bride, and that's how we need to be imitating as well.

[6:33] Third section then. What does that masculine headship look like? Well, it starts with servant authority. It's not domination, it's not domineering. Headship isn't about domination, it's about taking the initiative under God's authority. Remember, we're answering to him, and it's leading with humility, with love, with sacrifice. The world has twisted our headship into something that seems ugly. We've heard it in the past. The world, it will call what's good evil and evil good, but it's either an excuse for control or a reason to reject leadership altogether, and you'll see, probably just like me, how many men today are rejecting that leadership. They're rejecting what God has made us to be, but scripture gives us a different picture of what we should be. It's a man that's under God's authority, but we lead with service. Ephesians 5 23 tells us, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. So Christ's headship, it's never harsh. It's not self-serving. He doesn't use us to crush us.

[7:56] He uses it to save us, to nurture us, to bring our heart close to him, and so if we're seeking to imitate that, what should that look like? I just did a quick search on the American household, head of household, and the statistics that are out there show that one in five American women today identify as head of household.

[8:25] That might be a rough number, and it frankly might be higher than that, but ultimately, what kind of stuck out to me is many of these women, they're probably not even trying to necessarily seize control, even though that's another topic, and women might struggle with that in that area, but they're just seeking, I think, fill a vacuum that we've left as men. We've stepped back from the spiritual, the emotional leadership that we should be filling, as God calls us to do as men.

[8:56] So as Christian men, we need to look in the mirror and say, we need to own that. We need to pull it back. The problem isn't women. We shouldn't be looking and saying, well, they're this way, and they're that way. Let's look in the mirror and say, what are we doing? Where are we underleading? When God calls us husbands to love our wives, he's addressing our greatest weakness. What do we think that is?

[9:22] Paul's been a whole section on us as leaders. What do you think our greatest sin is? This is an open-ended question. Selfishness. Exactly. Passiveness. Pride. Good.

[9:55] So if God has to command us to love, that means there's something in our sinful nature that resists that leadership, right? Or does it wrong.

[10:13] Ephesians 5.25 says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. So imitation. How do we imitate that? It's an impossible standard when we look at it and say, how am I going to perfectly imitate Jesus? Like, that's impossible. It might be easy to shut that off and move on. But grace, grace is there and grace is sufficient for us. And Christ gave us everything.

[10:43] He gave us his comfort, his rights, his life for his bride. And so we need to do the same. A husband's love should be measured by how much we give, not how much we get out of it. And oftentimes, in a relationship, what are we trying to get? And this is where it can apply to any relationship, frankly, not just marriage. So practically, when a husband refuses to apologize, who are we protecting? Are we protecting the other person? Are we protecting our wife? Or are we protecting our pride? But if we humble ourselves and we say, I'm really sorry. I was wrong.

[11:28] Even if our wife or the other person in our relationship that you may have, even if there was something in that that was wrong or they sinned, how often are we guiltless? Most of the time, we're never guiltless. When we as a husband are willing to listen to our wife's heart, instead of just going to fix-it mode and problem-solving mode, but seek to lead as Jesus leads us, gently, patiently, lovingly, it's going to change everything. Leadership in marriage doesn't mean making every decision. It means being responsible for every decision. So I'll say that again.

[12:16] Leadership in marriage doesn't mean we make every decision, right? We're not a dictator. It's so important that we're pulling in our wife and her heart and where she's at, but we are responsible for every decision. It's not my way or the highway. It's, Lord, show us together the way. Pull her in.

[12:42] I need to grow in this area. This hit me hard. I was thinking my wife's questions or reminders, and you might think of as nagging, can be frustrating. But for me, more often than not, how often is she just pointing out things I've neglected? She's not challenging us during my leadership. She's calling me into it. And man, that should, that hit me, and I hope it hits you the same way. The whys that God gives us, they're not obstacles to our authority. They're not just in the way. They're partners. They're there to help refine our leadership. How insightful are they? Their intuition, their feedback, man, they give us another realm that we're never going to get in our own minds. So let's, let's tap into that.

[13:42] So then the next section, as we think about how we work as husbands, what is, what does nurturing look like in that? So our role as a worker, it means we cultivate, and God calls us to cultivate the ground, but it's, it's a lot more than that. It's about cultivating spiritual, emotional, and relational health in our family and in our life. From the beginning, man's calling was to work and to keep what God entrusted to him. And it continues in how we steward our homes and relationships.

[14:18] Genesis 2.15, the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to work it and to keep it. So a husband's first field to cultivate, is it, is it the field? Is it our workplace?

[14:36] No, it's our home. Our greatest work is spiritual cultivation. And frankly, it starts in my heart. Ephesians 5.26, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.

[14:53] Our first concern should be our wives and their spiritual well-being. That doesn't mean we're forcing into her the image that we think a spiritual woman should look like. It means we're gently leading her closer to Christ. We minister to our wife through God's word, not our word, not our opinions.

[15:15] When she's discouraged, are we reminding her of God's promises, not ours? When she's anxious, are we pointing her to God's peace? When she doesn't feel seen, are we reminding her of her worth in Jesus, not what the world is telling her her worth is or isn't?

[15:39] What are we doing to cultivate that? Remember, you know, it's ideally we have scripture at the tip of our tongue. And as, as we seek to speak scripture into our wife when she's discouraged, many of us might think, I don't know the Bible well enough to just in an instant, just feed it to her.

[16:02] Well, that maybe should be a challenge to us to start getting to know the Bible a little better. But we don't have to be Bible scholars either. Just a man who listens to his wife and hit her heart and brings her back to God's truth. Again, we can come back to her.

[16:23] Here's what's beautiful about this picture. As we do this, as we're seeking to get closer to God to help her in a sense, God uses our love for our wife to shape me, to shape my heart. He uses our efforts to nurture her faith as a way to strengthen our own.

[16:51] I was talking to a man some point a while ago and it stuck with me, but he told me he started writing down one scripture each week and leaving it on the kitchen counter for his wife to find.

[17:04] Just something simple. This specific verse he brought out was Isaiah 43, 4, you're precious in his sight. And at first he didn't think much of it. He thought it's just a small gesture, just a small matter. But months later, his wife said those notes made her feel seen, made her feel valued, made her feel safe. That's the power of gentle, steady, spiritual leadership.

[17:30] So as we personally reflect on this, 1 Peter 3, 7 says, Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

[17:52] The Greek phrase that says the understanding way, it literally translates according to knowledge, which means we should know our wives, not just facts about them, but their hearts.

[18:08] Do we know it's weighing on their mind? Do we know it brings them joy? Do we know what she's praying for this week? Do you know what's burdening her?

[18:22] Knowing our wife is part of loving our wife. I think, I was thinking about this as I was reading through this, and I thought, man, in my work, it's so easy in a sense.

[18:35] You know, I have slotted one-on-one times with some of my key people, and it's literally a check-in point to check in and see with them what struggles you're having, what are obstacles you're facing, what are things I need to help you work through.

[18:51] Are we doing those one-on-one check-in points with our wife? And hopefully it's not once a week. We have to be intentional.

[19:03] Maybe it's making a list of her stresses and her joys so we can pray for them. Are we listening? And not just hearing. Are we listening? These are all very important, and how we can practically love her, nurture her.

[19:22] So moving to the next section, how do we minister to her through protection? Well, our husband's calling us to be a wife's keeper.

[19:35] Not in the sense that we own her, but we guard her. Again, we guard her heart, we guard her safety, we guard her dignity. From the beginning, our mandate has been to work and to keep.

[19:50] And that keep, that word keep in Hebrew, it's the word shamar, which means to guard, to protect, and to preserve. So in marriage, that means being the watchman over our wife's well-being.

[20:04] Ephesians 5, 28 to 29 tells us, in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.

[20:21] So Christ protects his bride, not just from danger, but from fear. He makes her feel secure through his love. Our call is the same.

[20:34] As husband's protective role goes far beyond defending our wife from physical harm, well, that's very important, but we need to shield them from emotional neglect. We need to shield them from harsh words, from impatience, from insecurities.

[20:51] This one hit home to me too because I thought, how often is there actually going to be an intruder that busts down the door and we've got to physically protect our wife?

[21:02] But what if that intruder is every day us walking into our own home?

[21:13] Are we protecting our wife from me? What if that real world threat to peace is coming from me? My irritation, my anger, my cold silence.

[21:27] What if I'm doing the most damage to my wife that any man ever would or could? I hope that's a sobering thought as it was to me as I thought through this because I got to say, looking in the mirror, man, I need to protect my wife from myself more often than not.

[21:49] We have to protect our wife from our old self. And so again, as we think about this, it should be driving us to Jesus and getting us on our knees, reminding us that we need Him.

[22:06] Romans 8.13, for if we live according to the flesh, we'll die. But if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. Every day, we need to sacrifice our selfishness that's within us.

[22:23] It's easier to choose comfort over care. It's easy to choose pride over peace. It's easy to choose distance over compassion. Those are the daily real struggles that we're going to be facing every single day.

[22:40] But how are we practically applying that? Are we protecting her from our temper? Are we responding to her gently and without irritation?

[22:53] Are we protecting her from discouragement? Again, speaking life into her when she's weary. It's easy for us to get home from work.

[23:04] For me, man, I'm exhausted. I'm tired mentally. I don't want to deal with her problems. But what about her? Right? How discouraged is she?

[23:14] Are we opening our eyes and before just disconnecting, checking in with her? How is she doing? Protecting her from overwork?

[23:26] Are we stepping in and shouldering the task and the workload alongside of her? I wish I wrote down some of these numbers, but I came across something that just talked about what is the value of a stay-at-home woman, a stay-at-home wife, and the cost it takes, you know, personal chef, someone driving her kids to and from places, 24-7, always on call, no PTO, right?

[23:54] What is the actual cost of that? It was over $200,000, I think, in just real-world numbers if you were to hire an outside source on that. So, I want to give that to you guys because that's the value your wife brings.

[24:08] And for you younger men, that's the woman you guys are looking for. Lastly, but most importantly, are we protecting her from spiritual isolation?

[24:22] Pray with her. Even if it's brief, man, I need work on this. Every day, my wife, she gently always keeps pushing me towards that and I'm thankful.

[24:36] So, remember, we may not physically harm our wife, but what are we doing every day to protect her from us? Next section, are we living with understanding and honor?

[24:54] The key theme here is, do we live with our wives in an understanding way? Meaning, are we getting to know them? Are we studying their hearts?

[25:04] Are we respecting their needs and treating them with honor? 1 Peter 3, 7 says, likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

[25:23] Peter's instruction is both practical and spiritual. He ties how we treat our wives directly to how God hears our prayers. That's how serious this is.

[25:35] So the phrase understanding way, it literally means according to knowledge. It implies effort. It implies intentional learning.

[25:47] A godly husband, we're going to become a student of our wife. We know what she likes in her coffee or how she might prefer the thermostat, hot or cold.

[25:59] Those are easy to know, but do we know it weighs on her heart? Do we know her biggest worry this week? Her deepest joy?

[26:11] The scripture that's encouraging her may be one that she's struggling to believe or understand. So, practically, are we asking our wife, what's one thing you've been anxious about lately?

[26:26] And if you're like me, this takes work. I mean, again, it's easy to come home and you think, I know my wife, but man, she's ever-changing too.

[26:37] And are we intentionally, we might have to Google search, what are great questions to dig in? Are we, you know, it goes back to that dating stage. Are we dating our wife consistently? But, let's ask those deep questions with her.

[26:51] Keep a mental or a literal list of what she mentions so that we can pray over those things. I've been challenged and encouraged from other brothers in the past that, man, they literally take a notepad around and they're writing stuff down, whether it's for their wife or anyone else, as a constant reminder to themselves.

[27:09] I need that. Again, understanding our wife means we're entering into her world of empathy. Honor means showing that she's valued.

[27:20] So, Peter's next phrase, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, this isn't an insult to her. It's a call to cherish her.

[27:33] The weaker vessel, it's, I believe it's a metaphor more to refer to something that's precious and valuable. She's not inferior by any way, shape, or form.

[27:44] She compliments us. Ask her regularly, what makes you feel valued by me? What can I do to make you feel valued?

[27:55] Are we asking that question? Remember, our time and our attention are the two greatest gifts that we can give our wives. And it's ones, if you're like me, that we often don't give her.

[28:11] It's easy to go spend $100 on her and say, well, I did my job this week. I did my job this year. It's not enough.

[28:25] One man began sending his wife short text messages during the day, not to ask for anything, not to burden her with anything, just to say, I'm thinking of you.

[28:37] I appreciate you. Man, those things go a long way. That's my challenge to us men. That's how we can honor our wife.

[28:51] Section 7, to nourish and to cherish. So, to nourish and cherish our wives, it means that we invest in their growth and we make them feel safe, we make them feel seen and deeply valued.

[29:06] It goes into the theme that we've already talked about, but Ephesians 5, 28 to 30 says, in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself.

[29:20] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. To nourish means that we cultivate her and it's not just providing for her spiritually or financially.

[29:34] Again, a lot of this we've talked about. I'll keep rehashing this, but are we praying with her daily? Are we speaking encouragement into her life?

[29:46] Are we supporting her gifts and dreams? That was another one that I thought through is everything we do, I think it's building our home, it's building our future together, but are we seeking to ask her what her dreams are?

[30:01] Do we see what her gifts are? And are we seeking to cultivate that too? Are we noticing our wife's passions? An example that I thought of is we may see that our wife's passion is serving other people, but she's getting burned out.

[30:18] So instead of lecturing her to slow down, how can we help to plan to help give her rest? How do we unburden her on something so that she can continue volunteering and serving the way she wants to serve?

[30:33] section 8.

[30:48] A Christ-like redeemer. A godly husband is called to mirror the redemptive love of Christ, to bring grace, safety, and restoration into our marriage through our sacrificial leadership.

[31:00] So this is where we can look at a picture in the Bible, Boaz, as what does that look like? What does a Christ-like figure look like in the Bible?

[31:12] Ruth 2, 8-9 says, Boaz then said to Ruth, now listen, my daughter, do not go to glean in another man's field, or leave this one, but keep close to my young women.

[31:24] Let your eyes be on the field that they are reaping, and go after them. Have I not charged the young men not to touch you? And when you are thirsty, go to the vessels and drink what the young men have drawn.

[31:35] Boaz protected Ruth physically, he cared for her needs practically, and he honored her purity publicly. So Boaz, I'm going to say that again, he protected Ruth physically, he cared for her needs practically, and he honored her purity publicly.

[31:54] That's what redemptive leadership looks like in action. Ruth 3, 9 goes on to say, spread your wings over your servant for you are a redeemer.

[32:07] That's what Ruth is saying as she corresponds with Boaz. She laid at his feet. That imagery spreading your wings echoes God's covenant care. Boaz became a covering for Ruth just as God becomes a covering for his people.

[32:24] So again, how do we imitate that? Our calling as husbands is to be like Boaz, men who we need to use our strength to redeem, not to necessarily just rule.

[32:36] A Christ-like husband doesn't ignore his wife's pain or mistakes, he brings grace to those moments. He doesn't punish her weakness, he covers them with understanding and with prayer.

[32:49] Ephesians 4, 32, be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another as God and Christ forgave you. When we forgive and extend grace, we mirror Christ the Redeemer.

[33:04] So practically, when your wife brings up hurt from the past, don't just rush to defend myself. Listen first, seek to understand, and then respond with humility.

[33:19] God when she's feeling unworthy or ashamed, remind her she's loved by God unconditionally. When she's struggling spiritually, walk her through it instead, standing above her in judgment.

[33:34] Again, it's easy to rush with the problem solved. It's easy to rush to her with the fix. But let's come alongside her.

[33:45] What if we stop trying to fix my wife? Stop trying to fix our wife. And instead start trying to cover her as Boaz covered Ruth. So personally, we all bring sin and brokenness into marriage.

[34:02] So guys, as we go into marriage, we need to understand, first and foremost, we are a sinner. It's easy to say, well, she's got all these flaws, she's got to work through and get up to speed on.

[34:16] But guys, men, we are immensely broken and deeply proud. But Christ's redeeming love calls us to bring healing instead of hurt.

[34:29] Redemption in marriage doesn't mean perfection, it means daily forgiveness. And again, this can extend out to every and any relationship. When Boaz married Ruth, their union became part of the lineage of Christ.

[34:44] And again, just from a high level, redemption through love always leads to blessing and legacy. So as we seek to find, for you younger men, a woman that you want to stand beside you, look for her value, look for her heart, not just her beauty, not just that feeling.

[35:05] We're looking to make a legacy together. mother. And we can't do that if we're constantly looking at her and pointing out her flaws and looking how she needs to be fixed.

[35:21] So the reflection we all need to be thinking about this week is, what does this look like for us as men, for our wives? How do I go out tomorrow, we're taking all this in, there's a lot here, but how do I go out tomorrow and start implementing this?

[35:37] How do I start protecting my wife? When a man leads, when he nurtures, when he protects and loves his wife with Christ-like faithfulness, God will bless them.

[35:50] God will bless that marriage and he multiplies it. He multiplies it by generations when it's done well and done right. So that's the challenge to us as men.

[36:04] Are we doing it well? Are we loving our wife well? And men, I'll be the first to admit, it is so easy. The world's moving a million miles an hour and it feels like we can't keep up with our work and just the daily tasks.

[36:21] But the first thing we need to neglect is not our wife. That's the first person we need to run towards. It's the first person we need to embrace. It's the first person we need to cultivate.

[36:34] Yes, our career is important, our job's important, but our wife is more important than anything. And if we're not cultivating that field, if we're not nurturing her, then we will fail too.

[36:49] She can be our greatest asset, she can be our greatest help, but if we're not spending the time that we need to cultivate it, just like we do our career, how much time are we spending thinking about it, working it, trying to get better at it, how do I make more money, how do I do better?

[37:09] Man, we should be doing tenfold with our wife. And I'm speaking to myself here, man, this hit me hard. I came out bloodied through this.

[37:25] Ruth 4, 13-17, so Boaz took Ruth, she became his wife, and he went with her. And the Lord gave her conception and she bore a son. Then the woman said to Naomi, blessed be the Lord who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel.

[37:42] He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age. For your daughter in love, who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.

[37:53] Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse. And the woman of the neighborhood gave him a name, saying, a son has been born to Naomi. They named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David.

[38:09] We all know where this goes from there, right? David eventually was the great, great grandfather of Jesus who redeemed us. But while our homes aren't necessarily going to lead to that, it is the ripple effect of godly faithfulness set by Boaz and Ruth.

[38:30] When we model Christ's love, our homes become living testimonies of God's grace. And if not, well, the inverse happens. When we do what we need to do as husbands, our wives will flourish, our children will thrive, and our prayers will rise to heaven unhindered.

[38:54] Psalm 128, 1-4 says, Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways. You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands. You shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you.

[39:05] Your wife will be a fruitful vine within your house. Your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

[39:20] The promise of this blessing, it's not about material gain. It's about peace. It's about joy. joy. It's about spiritual fruitfulness that's going to endure.

[39:35] Every act of love, every prayer whispered, every moment of restraint and grace, it builds a foundation. And as we're seeking to imitate Jesus, as we're seeking to imitate him in our marriage, what do you think that's going to do for our children, too?

[39:52] They're going to see it. They're going to imitate it. God willing. But are we cultivating that? That's down the road, but are we cultivating our children in the same way?

[40:04] Our children see how we are with our wives, too. Do they see that man we talked about earlier, that intruder that's coming into our home, hurting our wife, or cultivating her?

[40:18] going to see it? So just to recap, we talked about what a godly husband and how he needs to lead in a marriage with his wife should look like.

[40:40] And here's how it should be lived out. We need to lead by taking initiative under Christ's authority. Leadership means spiritual responsibility, first and foremost.

[40:52] Are we first to pray? Are we first to apologize? Are we the first to protect the peace in the home? Again, at the expense of our pride.

[41:04] We've got to kill that pride. Are we nurturing? Number two, are we feeding her faith and encouraging her growth? Encourage her when she's discouraged.

[41:17] Encourage her when she's weary. Number three, are we protecting? Are we creating that safety and stability in the home that our wives need?

[41:31] Our presence shouldn't be something that makes her fear. And if so, let's pray deeply and let's work hard at that.

[41:41] Our presence should be a refuge. Protect her heart from harshness, from impatience, from neglect. respect. Number four, understand.

[41:53] Are we understanding her? Are we knowing her heart deeply? 1 Peter 3, 7, likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel.

[42:07] We talked about that. Again, remember, each week, ask her, how can I love you better today? How can I love you better this week?

[42:17] We might think we know the answer. I promise you, we don't. Ask her. Number five, cherish her. Make her feel treasured. Remember, Ephesians 5, 29 reminds us, no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.

[42:36] Are we loving her like we love ourself? That's a hard question to ask, but something we need to each ask ourself. showing affection every single day can be hard, but we need to do it.

[42:53] Thank her for the small things. Speak her love language, not our own, consistently. Find out what she loves, and again, sometimes the little things.

[43:05] A text message here or there, thank you, I appreciate you. It goes a long way. And to be clear, I did run this by my wife and she agreed. Number seven.

[43:20] Number six. I don't think I said number six. Redeem. Bring grace into every moment. Christ redeemed us not through perfection, but through perseverance and love.

[43:32] When we fall short, let's repent quickly. When she fails, let's forgive quickly. Keep short accounts of failings and the long accounts of grace, long memories of grace.

[43:50] Number seven, legacy. Remember, let's build for eternity. Our faithfulness today, our faithfulness next week, it's going to echo out far beyond the now.

[44:02] If we model faithfulness, our home can be somewhat of a preview of heaven. It can be filled with peace, with forgiveness and joy.

[44:13] But if we're not cultivating that, it's going to be the opposite. So, final challenge. Boaz spread his wings over Ruth.

[44:25] Christ spread his over you. Now, men, let's go spread ours over our wife this week. With strength, with tenderness, with grace, let's go live that out.